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{"id":8262,"date":"2019-08-14T07:10:45","date_gmt":"2019-08-14T05:10:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/?p=8262"},"modified":"2019-08-13T21:58:48","modified_gmt":"2019-08-13T19:58:48","slug":"minns-inte-nar-jag-var-sa-sjuk-senast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/minns-inte-nar-jag-var-sa-sjuk-senast\/","title":{"rendered":"<p><em>Stanna hos mig, h\u00e5ll mig i handen och s\u00e4g att det snart blir bra &#8230;<\/em><\/p>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"542\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng-1024x542.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6916\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng-1024x542.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng-300x159.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng-768x407.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng-150x79.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng-600x318.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng-1200x635.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/s\u00f6mnl\u00f6s-natt-skitnatt-tom-s\u00e4ng.jpg 1919w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Naturbeg\u00e5vning<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Tiden st\u00e5r helt stilla i det m\u00f6rka rummet med de fuktiga lakanen. S\u00e5 \u00f6ppnas d\u00f6rren, i pl\u00f6tsligt motljus ser jag Adrians kontur n\u00e4rma sig medan Simons slanka silhuett dr\u00f6jer i d\u00f6rren. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Adrian lyssnar. Simon kommer ocks\u00e5 fram, till foten. Han k\u00e4nner, fr\u00e5gar, backar ut och g\u00e5r vidare till annat. Adrian g\u00e5r ocks\u00e5. Till sitt rum. D\u00e4r h\u00e4mtar han sin lilla stol som han sl\u00e4par \u00f6ver allrummet och in till mig. Han placerar den p\u00e5 golvet alldeles bredvid min s\u00e4ng, tar min heta hand i sina sm\u00e5 n\u00e4var, tittar p\u00e5 mig och s\u00e4ger mjukt:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Mamma, varf\u00f6r \u00e4r du sjuk?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Jag vet inte,&#8221; svarar jag. R\u00f6sten hackar, halsen bultar och svider.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Varf\u00f6r vet du inte?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Man kan inte veta allt.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Jo-o mamma, du vet allt.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Jag ler genom mis\u00e4ren \u00e5t sonen som instinktivt anar vad jag beh\u00f6ver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Mamma?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Mm?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Mamma, du \u00e4r b\u00e4st. Jag \u00e4lskar dig.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Jag stryker honom \u00f6ver huvudet. &#8221;Jag \u00e4lskar dig ocks\u00e5, Adrian.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;F\u00e5r jag ligga bredvid dig?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Nej \u00e4lskling, du ska inte vara s\u00e5 n\u00e4ra mitt ansikte, jag vill inte smitta dig.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Han forts\u00e4tter med sina fr\u00e5gor, kramar min hand och arm och f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker lirka sig n\u00e4rmare. Han sm\u00e5sjunger f\u00f6r mig, viskar mamma, liksom lockar p\u00e5 mig att kramas. Jag har n\u00e4stan 40\u00b0 feber, ont precis \u00f6verallt men extra mycket i ryggen och halsen. Huvudet bultar i takt med hj\u00e4rtslagen, det tinnitus-tjuter i \u00f6ronen, jag m\u00e5r illa och ljuset fr\u00e5n trapplampan sk\u00e4r i \u00f6gonen. Jag kan inte minnas n\u00e4r jag var s\u00e5 sjuk senast &#8230; <em>Och Adrian f\u00e5r mig att skratta<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Gav upp och ringde husl\u00e4karen<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Det d\u00e4r var i fredags kv\u00e4ll. D\u00e5 hade jag legat och v\u00e5ndats p\u00e5 allvar sedan lunch och b\u00f6rjade k\u00e4nna att vansinnet rimligen m\u00e5ste f\u00e5 ett slut snart. I l\u00f6rdags var det lite b\u00e4ttre, men inte i halsen \u2013 den blev ist\u00e4llet, om m\u00f6jligt, v\u00e4rre. I m\u00e5ndags fick jag nog, tyckte att kroppen minsann hade f\u00e5tt sin chans att fixa det d\u00e4r sj\u00e4lv, och ringde husl\u00e4karen. Jag hade dragit mig f\u00f6r att ringa henne, eftersom jag inte gillar antibiotika och n\u00e5nstans fattade att det antagligen fanns p\u00e5 kartan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Jag kan inte idag, du f\u00e5r komma imorgon kl 11:15,&#8221; sa husl\u00e4karen, kort och konkret som alltid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Ja, ok, men &#8230; Men jag t\u00e4nkte att kanske jag kunde ber\u00e4tta det h\u00e4r f\u00f6r dig, och att du skulle s\u00e4ga typ att avvakta till fredag och om det inte \u00e4r b\u00e4ttre s\u00e5 ses vi d\u00e5?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8221;Nej. Imorgon. 11:15.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ig\u00e5r var jag allts\u00e5 d\u00e4r. Hon lyssnade, tittade, hummade &#8230; och s\u00e5 k\u00e4nde hon p\u00e5 halsen. Jag hoppade till. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Det slutade med en dunderkur antibiotika. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Ironiskt dansande dam i r\u00f6d kl\u00e4nning-emoji.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Naturbeg\u00e5vning Tiden st\u00e5r helt stilla i det m\u00f6rka rummet med de fuktiga lakanen. S\u00e5 \u00f6ppnas d\u00f6rren, i pl\u00f6tsligt motljus ser jag Adrians kontur n\u00e4rma sig medan Simons slanka silhuett dr\u00f6jer i d\u00f6rren. Adrian lyssnar. Simon kommer ocks\u00e5 fram, till foten. Han k\u00e4nner, fr\u00e5gar, backar ut och g\u00e5r vidare till annat. Adrian g\u00e5r ocks\u00e5. 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