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{"id":4746,"date":"2017-04-25T07:51:41","date_gmt":"2017-04-25T05:51:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/?p=4746"},"modified":"2017-04-28T10:02:34","modified_gmt":"2017-04-28T08:02:34","slug":"paskserien-del-2-skam-att-om-hjalp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/paskserien-del-2-skam-att-om-hjalp\/","title":{"rendered":"P\u00e5skserien del 2: Skam att be om hj\u00e4lp"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>4 dagar<\/h2>\n<p>Bj\u00f6rn fyller \u00e5r den 17e maj. Dagen efter reser han bort med jobbet \u2013 jag har gl\u00f6mt vart eftersom hans fr\u00e5nvaro skuggar s\u00e5na detaljer \u2013 i 4 dagar.<\/p>\n<p>4 DAGAR.<\/p>\n<p>H\u00e4r h\u00e4nder massa saker i mig samtidigt:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Jag slutar andas medan jag cirkelt\u00e4nker <em>ensam \u2013 b\u00e5da barnen \u2013 n\u00e4tterna.<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Jag blir anti. Ifr\u00e5gas\u00e4tter hans f\u00f6rst\u00e5else f\u00f6r vad det inneb\u00e4r f\u00f6r mig att han \u00e4r borta.<\/li>\n<li>Jag vill s\u00e5klart inte vara den d\u00e4r partnern som begr\u00e4nsar och s\u00e4ger nej. Jag hade g\u00e4rna varit i hans skor och <em>sluppit<\/em> f\u00e5 h\u00f6ra &#8221;nej, jag vill inte att du \u00e5ker&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Som svar p\u00e5 hans fr\u00e5ga s\u00e4ger jag &#8221;nej, det passar inte s\u00e5 bra, men&#8230; ja&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Jag blir lite arg \u00f6ver att bli l\u00e4mnad i sticket.<\/li>\n<li>Jag t\u00e4nker ut st\u00f6dplaner; ringa in mamma, bjuda in kompisar p\u00e5 middag s\u00e5 att de stannar till efter l\u00e4ggningen som \u00e4r dagens kritiska punkt, osv.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<h2>Lite arg<\/h2>\n<p>N\u00e4r jag skulle iv\u00e4g och\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/paskserien-kanaans-cafe\/\">fika med Anna<\/a> i p\u00e5skas trodde Bj\u00f6rn f\u00f6rst att jag skulle l\u00e4mna \u00e4ven Adrian hemma med honom och Simon. Han s\u00e5g tveksam och lite lidande ut n\u00e4r jag sa att jag skulle vara borta i kanske 4 timmar.<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Vad \u00e4r det?&#8221; fr\u00e5gade jag.<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;N\u00e4&#8230; inget&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Gaah! Vad?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;N\u00e4eh&#8230; K\u00e4nns lite l\u00e4nge att vara sj\u00e4lv med b\u00e5da barnen, men det f\u00e5r v\u00e4l g\u00e5&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Verkligen? Allvarligt? DU t\u00e4nker vara borta i 4 DAGAR! Varav 2 \u00e4r helg!!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Jag vet!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Dessutom tar jag med mig Adrian.&#8221;<\/p>\n<h2>Ensam \u00e4r onaturligt<\/h2>\n<p>N\u00e4r jag tr\u00e4ffade Anna pratade vi om det h\u00e4r s\u00e5klart. Jag ber\u00e4ttade att jag absolut kan klara av detta sj\u00e4lv, fr\u00e5gan \u00e4r inte om, utan hur \u2013 och till vilket pris. Kommer jag f\u00e5 sova p\u00e5 n\u00e4tterna, till exempel? Kommer jag f\u00e5 vila n\u00e5nting, n\u00e5n g\u00e5ng, n\u00e5nsin? Jag sa att &#8221;nu har jag satt dem till v\u00e4rlden och&#8230;&#8221; d\u00e4r blev jag tyst.<\/p>\n<p>S\u00e5h\u00e4r \u00e4r det: om jag hade varit ensamst\u00e5ende, allts\u00e5 om jag aldrig hade tr\u00e4ffat Bj\u00f6rn, s\u00e5 hade jag planer p\u00e5 att skaffa barn p\u00e5 egen hand. Det hade varit tungt men v\u00e4rt det. Jag hade skaffat ett (1) barn. ETT. Inte fler.<\/p>\n<p>Anledningen till att jag \u00e4r tv\u00e5barnsmor \u00e4r f\u00f6r att jag inte\u00a0\u00e4r ensamst\u00e5ende, och Anna den kloka kvinnan sa:<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Men Lisa det \u00e4r helt ONATURLIGT att du ska vara ensam i en s\u00e5n h\u00e4r situation. Det \u00e4r inte alls l\u00e4nge sedan som vi fortfarande levde i generationsboenden*, vi \u00e4r inte gjorda f\u00f6r att vara ensamma och isolerade som vi \u00e4r idag. De som lever i grupper och stammar \u00e4r aldrig ensamma, det finns alltid ett par extra h\u00e4nder n\u00e4r det beh\u00f6vs och alla hj\u00e4lper alla.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Ja, jo men visst, men jag vill ju kunna klara det sj\u00e4lv. Det k\u00e4nns s\u00e5 dumt att be om hj\u00e4lp om man inte <em>verkligen<\/em> beh\u00f6ver den&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<h2>Skam att be om hj\u00e4lp<\/h2>\n<p>S\u00e5 \u00e4r det, och det \u00e4r ju hemskt n\u00e4r man t\u00e4nker efter. Varf\u00f6r ska jag vara ensam? Det finns ingen\u00a0anledning. Det \u00e4r v\u00e4l f\u00f6r tusan sj\u00e4lvklart att jag klarar av att ta hand om mina pojkar helt sj\u00e4lv om jag m\u00e5ste, det \u00e4r ju inte som att de kan \u00f6vermanna och brotta ner mig, men jag M\u00c5STE faktiskt inte. Mina barn \u00e4r sm\u00e5 solstr\u00e5lar, s\u00e4rskilt n\u00e4r vi har bes\u00f6k. Folk kan vara GLADA att f\u00e5 hj\u00e4lpa till, s\u00e4rskilt som det i princip r\u00e4cker med att vara h\u00e4r.<\/p>\n<p>Men av n\u00e5n anledning k\u00e4nns det lite skamset att be om hj\u00e4lp. Som att s\u00e4ga &#8221;jag \u00e4r svag, jag orkar inte med mina egna ungar, jag kan inte sj\u00e4lv&#8221;. Och eftersom inget av det \u00e4r sant blir det n\u00e4stan som att, om jag ber om hj\u00e4lp, s\u00e5 ligger det n\u00e5nting i det \u00e4nd\u00e5.\u00a0Och om man t\u00e4nker s\u00e5 vill man ju inte ha n\u00e5n hj\u00e4lp f\u00f6rst\u00e5s.<\/p>\n<p>Det finns allts\u00e5 ingen skam i att be om hj\u00e4lp. Att det \u00e4nd\u00e5 k\u00e4nns s\u00e5 \u00e4r ett symptom p\u00e5 hur onaturligt isolerade vi blivit i v\u00e5rt samh\u00e4lle, s\u00e5 det \u00e4r bara att ta sig runt det och v\u00e4lkomna hela tjocka sl\u00e4kten och alla man k\u00e4nner hem i 4 dagar.<\/p>\n<h2>Fest!!<\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4759\" src=\"http:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1280\" height=\"720\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen-150x84.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen-600x338.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.mammatrams.se\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/familj-ensam-med-barnen-750x422.jpg 750w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/p>\n<h1>\u00a0???????????????<\/h1>\n<h2><\/h2>\n<hr \/>\n<p>*flera generationer (\u00e4n 2 allts\u00e5) i familjen under samma tak<\/p>\n<p><strong>P.S.\u00a0<\/strong>&#8221;Onaturligt&#8221; kan kanske l\u00e5ta aggressivt. Jag b\u00f6jer huvudet i v\u00f6rdnadsfull respekt f\u00f6r ensamst\u00e5ende f\u00f6r\u00e4ldrar, men n\u00e4r jag s\u00e4ger &#8221;ensam&#8221; s\u00e5 menar jag inte ensamst\u00e5ende. Jag menar ENSAM. Inga v\u00e4nner som kan st\u00e4lla upp i kris, ingen familj, ingen. Ensam. Vi \u00e4r flockdjur, vi ska inte vara ensamma. Och det finns undantag, ja jag vet.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>4 dagar Bj\u00f6rn fyller \u00e5r den 17e maj. Dagen efter reser han bort med jobbet \u2013 jag har gl\u00f6mt vart eftersom hans fr\u00e5nvaro skuggar s\u00e5na detaljer \u2013 i 4 dagar. 4 DAGAR. H\u00e4r h\u00e4nder massa saker i mig samtidigt: Jag slutar andas medan jag cirkelt\u00e4nker ensam \u2013 b\u00e5da barnen \u2013 n\u00e4tterna. Jag blir anti. Ifr\u00e5gas\u00e4tter [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,9],"tags":[2446,2294,2445,2447],"class_list":["post-4746","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tips-tricks","category-vardagstrams","tag-be-om-hjalp","tag-ensam-med-barnen","tag-kan-sjalv","tag-onaturligt"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>P\u00e5skserien del 2: Skam att be om hj\u00e4lp -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"&quot;Ja, jo men visst, men jag vill ju kunna klara det sj\u00e4lv. 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